


Amor Detrimentum

by Burningchaos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-29
Updated: 2005-11-29
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:22:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burningchaos/pseuds/Burningchaos
Summary: Not every ending is happy





	Amor Detrimentum

Amor Detrimentum  
Burningchaos  
Harry Potter  
Lucius/Severus  
Teen  
Warnings: Character death, implied het and slash  
Disclaimer: Not mine, cause you know if they were Sirius would still be alive…also title is Latin for damaged.  
*Special thanks to cyn_ful for being my beta and also one to endilwen_09 for helping with the title*

Severus sighed as he walked through the halls of the dungeon. The letter he had received earlier was weighing heavily in his pocket. It had stunned him, but then Lucius always had known him better then anyone, as he did Lucius. It was their fatal flaw. It was what drove Lucius to marry that woman. He had been unable to live without his walls, and Severus had to admit that he, too, had felt the same. Yet he would have tried.

As Snape pushed the doors open he recalled that day, it was the only time he had ever lowered himself to plead with anyone for anything. The sun had been shining. It was disgustingly warm. There had been people laughing and playing on the pitch. Severus sneered to himself at the memory of Evans and Potter snogging by a tree, the site had turned his stomach. He could remember how he had loosened his tie and the sweat was beading on his brow, as he walked to where he knew Lucius would be. Lucius had loved being by the lake, he always claimed the water calmed him, and helped him think. 

The Potions Master pulled his cloak around him as he walked out in to the darkness, it was almost moonless and even the stars were barely visible. Severus tried to focus in on the now and what he was going to say, but he couldn’t shake off the memory of the last time he had gone to the lake.

His mind wandered back again to that day, the air had been thick and heavy. Severus could remember the feelings racing through him as he walked the same path he was now. How he had heard that Lucius had asked Narcissa Black to marry him and how he felt at this betrayal. He hadn’t known, had never suspected. 

Severus paused, he was almost there and it would not do to be caught up in memories, especially now when they could get him killed.

~*~  
Lucius paced quietly in the dark, he felt comforted by it. He had always loved this lake at night. Truthfully, he had just loved it, but at night he could be there alone. He could relax and let his guard down. He remembered standing at the edge with the inky stillness surrounding him as he tossed in stones. He would watch the ripples until they had faded. It had been so peaceful, and it was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

As Lucius waited he began to wonder exactly what he was going to say. He didn’t even know what he was going to do. He had just fired off the Owl when he had found out, well after he had killed the informant and disposed of the body that is. Severus was the spy; he was the traitor they had been looking for. Lucius couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around it. He knew Severus, he knew him as he knew himself, yet he had missed it. The elder Malfoy paused or maybe he just hadn’t wanted to see it.

 

A crack suddenly broke the silence of the night. Whipping around wand in hand Lucius found himself staring into the face of his former lover. Severus stood quiet, and dignified as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Lucius remembered how Snape had been as a boy in that moment, so gangly, so nervous compared to now. 

“Well?” he asked impatiently. “You summoned me, here I am. Shall we get right to the point?” Severus’ face was grim, but then he had never smiled much.

“How could you, Sev?” Without realizing it, Lucius had reverted to the pet name he had used all those years ago; it was all Snape could do not to flinch. “How could you betray our lord? How could you betray me?” As soon as he had asked the last question he regretted it. This wasn’t about him and Severus, or what they had once had. It was about Severus spying. 

“How could I what? Think for myself? Refuse to cower and bow any longer? Was it that I finally quit selling my soul? Or better yet, would you prefer I was tired of fooling myself, tired of giving up control? I am not a Saint, but I was honest with myself. I cannot stand by and idly watch our world be destroyed anymore.”

 

Lucius stepped back, stunned. He hadn’t seen this side of Severus in years. “That wasn’t what I…Merlin’s bones, what am I supposed to do? I have never been indecisive, never. I set my mind to marring Cissa and I did. I chose to follow the Dark Lord, and I have never looked back. Now though?” Lucius turned away in frustration, his former lover’s face had held no softness, and it gave no clues to his thoughts. Torn did not even cover how he felt, as he ran his hand through his long blonde hair. 

Lucius took a deep breath and turned back to face the dark haired man he still loved in so many ways. “Honesty? You want honesty, Severus, I’ll give it to you.” Severus had stepped closer, still silent and frowning. “I still miss your touch. Sometimes when I am fucking Cissa, I call out your name as I come. There are times when I swear I was addicted to how you touched me. Cissa hates you. She can’t even stand to hear your name!”

Severus had flinched as Lucius’ voice had risen; he had never been one to lose control like this. It wasn’t in his nature as a Malfoy. Even though it was a bad idea Severus was unable to hold back “Would you like a little bit more honestly, Lucius? Do you really think I like knowing you chose her over me? That I enjoyed watching you walk down that damned aisle and bind your life with her, when it should have been me? I wanted nothing more than to wake up every morning listening to you breath.”

“Yes, but we both knew it couldn’t be that way!” Lucius nearly screamed, spittle spraying over Snape’s face. 

“Yes, it could have, you just chose a fake life, chose to live a lie; to be anything but who you truly were!” Severus was screaming this time; it wasn’t about him being a spy any longer, it was about what they once had. What Lucius had thrown away. What he missed so much there were times he could still feel the ache of loss after all this time.

“I am a Pureblood, Severus; I had to marry. I needed to have a son. You do remember Draco, don’t you? Your godson?” Snape began to laugh; it was a frightening sound because he did it so infrequently.

“Yes, I remember Draco. I also remember him coming to me several weeks ago wanting to confess that he couldn’t stand the thought of being a Death Eater. Do you want to know why Lucius? Your son is as gay as you are! He is in love with the fucking boy who lived!” Severus had snapped, he knew that he shouldn’t have said that, but he just couldn’t help himself.

Lucius stumbled back as if struck “NO! NO! NO!” shaking his head as he shouted. “Lies, you are a Blood traitor, Severus! Why should I believe you?“ Lucius pulled out his wand, but Severus was quicker, he always had been. He didn’t point it but continued to yell; “Draco would never, not my son …” he trailed off to a whisper.

“Yes, Lucius, Draco. You’re son. The son you have been so proud of, the one that you raised to be a Death Eater. He refuses to follow in your footsteps. He is doing what you should have done all those years ago. He is following his heart and he is going to be with the man he loves. He isn’t going to sell himself short and marry some woman he doesn’t love and live a life full of lies and longing.” Severus couldn’t control his temper. He knew he would do whatever it took to make sure his godson was happy in life, when he was never given that chance.

Lucius was silently sobbing, knowing his world had just fallen apart. He realized that his son had done what he should have done all those years ago. “I am sorry Sev, I am sorry but I must remain faithful to My Master.” Lucius aimed his wand at Severus. 

Severus shook his head, “I didn’t think it would be any other way.” He stared at the only person he had ever loved, the man he would have done anything for at one time and waited. As Lucius moved his wand, Severus whipped his forward with a speed Lucius had never seen in him, “AVADA KEDAVRA”. He watched the green light surround his love as he sunk to the ground and then turned away. 

He had never believed in fairy tales, anyway. He had known there was no way out of this mess. This was just one more scar to live with, one more reason to hate his life, and Snape knew that at the end of the day he would be alone as always.


End file.
